Friday, February 15, 2008

About falling in and out of love...

I had a wonderful conversation with my friend, Cathe. She sent me this letter. I've paraphrased a few things (taking out certain names to protect the guilty)... All in all, though, it's a great way to look at life and start loving one's SELF! Thank you, Cathe!

"You must find a way to believe that others’ problems, foibles, and inadequacies are NOT your fault. To be a loving and giving person makes you very special – especially in light of the changes in society. Being a loving and giving person opens you up to all experiences, both good and bad. It’s a price we pay to keep true to ourselves and keep our hearts pure.

"It’s time for some very difficult self-questions – and, not the ones you’re used to asking. It’s time to ask yourself “why” you want what you do. “Why do I want to be in a relationship? Is it something I actually need to survive?” “Why do I think I cannot survive on my own, when that’s exactly what I’ve been doing?” “Why do I think having a relationship with a man will solve the problems I have with myself?”

"When it boils down to it, if you believe in love, unity and equality; if you believe in romance, you will most likely immerse yourself in someone. Without researching those beliefs one can get caught up in all of the intrigue that most often does, but really doesn’t have to, accompany it. Literally, not being able to see the forest for the trees.

"Immersing yourself in someone else, one winds up losing oneself in them to be a part of another’s life, while still maintaining your own. But ingiving up one’s self to the other, they become your life and so that is giving up one’s identity for the other. So, losing them, in either way or realizing that you never had them, in the first place, is severely traumatic. In a sense, one has convinced oneself that you are “nothing” without that other person. And, that is simply not true.

"In allowing yourself to feel completely, you can get caught up in someone else’s “shit,” and you make it your own. Some people present themselves as a person that needs rescuing. And, you want to be the one to rescue him/her. But, why? You are not a “damsel in distress.” You are not a person who blindly falls into the abyss, and requires rescuing by the first bright knight who rides up. You are a thinking, feeling, spiritual individual. And, you need to pull yourself back from that ledge.

"If you jump, you will suddenly realize (halfway down) that you really didn’t need to. “Well, this was stupid,” you’ll say to yourself. And, you will continue to kick yourself all the way down, until you finally splat.

"Please. Examine your REAL feelings, from the perspective of the logical mind, and not from the inner “negative self-talk” that ruins most people. You don’t need anyone’s approval to be who you are. You don’t need anyone “validating” your life.

"It’s okay for you to love you too. In fact, it’s imperative. You can start small – picking out one or two things about yourself that you REALLY like, and concentrate on them."


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