1500 Square Feet of Flesh
Eighteen years ago “Lonely Hearts” personal ads started showing up in local newspapers and in the backs of specialty magazines. If I wanted to meet a farmer, all I had to do is check out the personal section of the classifieds of Mother Earth News, right next to feeder pigs and hay bales. It reminded me of the mail-order brides of the 1840s. The participants didn’t have much choice and most often the women answering the advertisements were closely watching their biological clocks. None of the men in the East had scooped them up and the old maids of 25 to 30 years of age packed their belongings and travelled across the continent to get married, sight unseen.With the dawning of the world wide web, men and women were able to expand their searches and very quickly found their mates. The past five years in particular thousands of dating websites have reared their lying heads. Instead of finding mates, people have found a virtual playground, packed with all the eye-candy they can handle. Some are very costly, some require extensive personality testing, some are just for sexual encounters, some are for “just friends.”
It is so easy to present oneself with glamour shots and fancy words. The vocabulary has nothing to do with reality. Cute, a few extra pounds, particular, usually mean, not ugly as a mud fence, fat, and picky. Independent, well-off, and health conscious usually mean stubborn, paycheck goes from hand to mouth, and one walks to the mailbox and back. And if you do meet someone, what usually happens? One or the other of you stay on the websites “just in case” you meet someone more interesting, sexier, wealthier, more needy.
After experiencing all of this, first writing letters, and eventually using the websites, how on God’s beautiful green earth did I think that the advertisements for houses for sale would be any different?
The real estate market has really taken a dive over the last several months. Great pictures, taken so flaws are hidden, show up and all the descriptions make you truly want to see the property. “You have to see it to believe it!” “More house for less money!” “Ready to move in!” all hawk the houses that have set empty for months….their wall treatments shriveling in the cold, the window caulking breaking and falling out due to no maintenance, pipes freezing – “but can be fixed easily.” Mold growing on the side of the house that is said to be moss, a roof that needs a tad bit of repair, etc. The biggest red flag of all, however, is “sold as is!”
Sold as is lets the seller totally off the hook for any and all repairs or improvements needed to make it livable. Be very wary if you see these two phrases in the same offering – “ready to move in” and “sold as is.”
Wednesday I saw a quaint (meaning needs updates) cozy (meaning small) house that touted that you could move right in and do the few repairs as you live there. The bathroom was plumbed, but no tub or shower or sink were there. Oh, yes, there was a stool – good, I can move right in.
The kitchen cupboards were started but no sink or countertops were installed. Good, no place to do dishes. I hate dishes. That’s a great reason for moving right in. There was a wonderful deck off the almost kitchen. I could throw the dirty dishes over the edge.
Okay, I’m going over the edge here. It was just disappointing to learn that there is as much deception in advertising the sale of houses as there is in advertising the sale of flesh.
posted by Shirley @ Thursday, April 16, 2009
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