Four months have passed since even thinking of writing on this blog. In that time My ex-husband passed, my children have had many trials, I have been forced into retirement, and my son't love of gardening has surfaced. There are new and old vegetables being coddled to bearing, exciting new things being learned about plants, and the one acre I owned is being transformed into a producing garden with permanent root crops, (asparagus, artichokes, horseradish) fruits, (grapes, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, apples, peaches, pears, a fig, and wild cherries), 20 different varieties of tomatoes, 2 of peppers, zucchini, acorn and pumpkin. Then, the wild herbs of self-heal and mullein and plantain and the planted of echinacea, lavendar, pineapple sage, sage, and hyssop. Then there is the new lasagna method of gardening in boxes that were constructed by Ted... for next year.
I have had to go through a decompression over the retirement - I can not fully explain how everyone thinks it is so wonderful. I am just weary of it all. Excited about how the land is yielding however.
We have purchased wood, Ted has shared help for wood, we were given wood, and we are negotiating for a fireplace insert for out fireplace. They are very expensive.
And then, there is the writing - having finished my novel, Deadly Game, and realizing it is not long enough for today's marketplace - 40,000 words. And discovering how talented Ted is when it comes to writing - we co-wrote a story of the solar storms -- fiction based on facts... 19,000 words.
Life has given me time for reflection about the myriad of people that come and go in one’s life – in my life in particular right now. Relatives of my growing up years that have passed are clouded memories in faded black and white pictures. Friends in my formative years that have aged along with me are not the childhood images that I remember. Recent new friends that surround me, comfort me, cause me laughter will one day move out of my circle as older friends, save a few, have already done. Instances – I remember a few, but what stands out is the way I felt when in their presence.
My children, once overwhelming responsibilities gifted me with a sense of joy and pride in their accomplishments; they now have become my protectors. The pride has changed in depth corresponding to the kind of adults they became – but is still there. The joy is from a loving connection – tenderness and warmth begun decades ago
Relationships with others have been my tools of refinement and from each one in my life I have learned how to deal with extreme emotions. Yes, some were negative – the frustrations, the abandonment, the anger issues. Yes, some were positive – the excitement, the discovery, the joyful issues. All are useful if seen from eyes of learning.
Presently, in my soliloquy, I do not feel the need to share the spotlight. It is a mindful discovery phase. Even so, there are the “extras” -- the other players -- just off-stage, waiting to present their lines. They give me issues to watch, tempt me with choices of responses, and add to my life’s script. All have a role to play on my stage.
Wednesday, November 23 In past years the day before Thanksgiving I would have been running around to stores, making plans, baking and cooking ahead of time. Tradition!!!
Then, the family has "thinned" out with the older generation passing on.
This year my children are busy with others on Thursday. Friday, we will be going to "another world" for dinner.... the Henderson Castle French Restaurant.
The "where" sets a rather opulent aspect to the dinner. The "who" is family and friends that are family as well. The "reason" is that we have been granted some time away from the necessity of work to "gather together to ask the Lord's blessing..." And that old hymn stills my busy life and reminds me that it is a good thing to be under the wing of our divine higher power...
The attitude of gratitude all year long - that is "thanks giving."
When my father passed in 2005 my brother was barely speaking with me. When my mother passed in 2007 we had not spoken for at least a year. When my aunt passed in 2010 I was still speaking with my sister. We inherited my aunt's home and the Earth took a strange spin. I sold my "half" of the inheritance to my sister - but she was not at all happy. Even though I asked for one fourth instead of one half its worth. She has not spoken to me since August of 2011. So, this is the way families grow apart.... the older generation dies and there isn't any more pretense of keeping peace in the family.
Two days before 65 -- and I don't feel any older. Only 48 hours left -- doesn't make me bolder. I look into the mirror and not recognize me But, who am I even now -- who can I be?
Experiencing Life and Reflecting and Writing about the wonder of it all and Sharing others' thoughts as well caused me to call this a center for Healing. It wasn't until recently, though, that physical healing was introduced to my path. I hope to major on that aspect more frequently now.
