Weary
A situation this past two weeks has driven me to the brink of screaming - I am so weary of implications, legalese, and penny pinching, nickle and dime crap.
But, it has not driven me to sugar. To my higher power -- THANK YOU!
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Haiku
SUGAR like a Black Mamba
Sneaks up on you
One bite and
Sudden death.
Deathly Bites
In the break room - a mere 30 feet from here - is a dozen frosted cupcakes.
Not just frosted - but heaped with swirls of frosting and sprinkles.
Chocolate ones and yellow ones. Each tantalizing confection a death trap.
One bite. Just one bite. One could say the same of a black mamba -- one bite - just one bite - sure death.
I will be having a lunch in 10 minutes that I lovingly prepared for myself with God's help (He preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies)...
Yes, cupcakes are enemies. An addict can never take one bite nor can an alcoholic take one drink. One is never enough.
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God is Faithful
Simply stated - She is Faithful; He is Faithful; They are Faithful.
For those who believe in one true God - there is only one true God - She, He, and They.
Not so simple, eh?
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Delicious Discovery
I stood in the shower, allowing the hot water to run over my head and down my back and thought how “delicious” it felt. The apricot-scented soap smelled “yummy” to me and that’s when I realized that I was using food terms to describe enjoyable feelings. And, have you ever noticed that many terms of endearment are actually food related? My favorite has been “honey” or “sweetie” and I’ve heard many “honey buns” and “sweetie pies” over the years. Although I’ve never called anyone “cookie” I know I’ve been tempted to want to “gobble up” some baby’s cute little toes – much to their squeals of delight!
So okay. Where does that fit in to an addict’s life. Addiction? How did we get from food language to addiction? Addiction is an insidious disease that tricks you into believing you do not have a disease. Food is just my “drug of choice” and is just as damaging as other addictive diseases. It is more common and more accepted by society, although societal norms are not too kind to the “fatties” out there.
One can smoke and possibly hide the fact if one can cover up the lingering tobacco smell. One can drink to oblivion at home and if functioning by morning, no one is the wiser. One can do any kind of street or designer drug and still “get away with it.” One can eat to excess, binge and purge, etc. and very few would understand this is going on, but you can’t hide excess weight.
I am a food addict. I love food, the aromas, the tastes, the textures, the feelings of comfort they have given me. No, I am not a gourmet. I am a gourmand, by definition. I used to laugh and say “I’ll eat anything that doesn’t eat me first.” I never gorged, binged, or purged… but oh, how I sought out those sugary, buttery, flour-laden treats. If I ate one bite, I’d have to have another. I never had enough. There were NEVER enough cookies, or brownies, or graham crackers. And heaven forbid if the supply of chocolate had to be shared, or if there weren’t enough donuts left over for me. Yes, I am and always will be a food addict – prayerfully recovering, one day at a time.
July 6 -
The headache for lack of caffeine was unpleasant for two days. It is now gone. At the time I thought it may go on forever.
The inability to go to sleep for thoughts running around in my head has dissipated. For a couple of days I thought I'd never get a good night's rest.
The smell of bread toasting almost put me over the edge and I couldn't imagine never having a crunchy roll again.
All the wonderful Michigan fruits are coming on and I just thought how tragic it would be not not have blueberry, cherry, strawberry pie... until one eats them fresh and realizes how wonderful they are that way.
THEN, I got an email from friend, Richard. It was about a horrible polar bear attack on a man -- it had pictures and cautioned you to be prepared. I scrolled down (why did I do that?) anyway, it was a polar bear cub chewing on a man's boot. It had this caption: MAY YOUR TROUBLES ALWAYS BE SMALLER THAN YOUR IMAGINATION!
Thanks, Rich - perhaps it was meant to be a "teaching joke" - but it really hit home to me about the words "never" and "always" and "forever." Our imagination can take something and really blow it out of proportion.
So, I live with out caffeine, flour, and sugar today -- and let tomorrow take care of itself.
